Why Pizza Is the Perfect Breakfast Food
Dissenting opinions are wrong
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Let’s get one thing straight right off the bat: Cold—or better yet, toaster-oven warm (step away from that microwave, you monster)—day-old pizza beats fresh every time. Don’t @ me—this isn’t opinion; it’s science. Or at least the science you practice at 7 a.m. in yesterday’s jeans, staring into the refrigerator light like it’s the face of God.
Breakfast pizza isn’t new. The Italians didn’t invent it. Neither did New Jerseyans, though we’d like to claim we did between navigating jug handles and arguing about pork roll versus Taylor Ham. No—pizza as breakfast is a cultural inevitability, like jazz, sarcasm, or that one uncle who insists he can fix your car “real quick” with duct tape and prayer.
Why pizza works in the morning:
• Protein. Eggs? Who needs eggs? That slice of pepperoni has all the protein you need to make it through whatever fresh hell your day holds.
• Dairy. Cheese is basically milk that’s seen some things. It’s comforting.
• Carbs. Because life is hard, and you deserve crust.
• Grease. Like sunscreen, but on the inside.
The magic of breakfast pizza is its forgiveness. It doesn’t care how bad last night was. It doesn’t judge your bedhead, your questionable decisions, or that you’re drinking coffee from a chipped mug that says “World’s Okayest Writer.” Pizza accepts you—cold, reheated, folded in half like a greasy love letter to survival.
Some foods try too hard to be breakfast. Pancakes are a sugar bomb. Smoothies require optimism. Avocado toast screams, “Look at me, I’m trying.” Pizza? Pizza just shows up in its undershirt and gets the job done.
So tomorrow morning, skip the guilt. Skip the cereal—though I could probably argue for Lucky Charms another day. Grab a slice. Fold it. Bite it. Congratulations—you’ve joined the ranks of the truly enlightened.
And speaking of enlightenment… keep an eye on this space. Something big (and serialized) is about to drop. Monsters, ruins, hard choices—ya know, just another day around here.
~Tony